I just read my last post, where I mentioned monkey jousting and now I am so damn pumped up I want to punch someone in the face and laugh. Monkey jousting. How cool would that be?!? I go to the Renaissance Fair every year and there you will always find jousting. Every time I see it, I can�t help feeling like I�m not getting everything that I can from it. It definitely needs a bigger simian presence.

Now, I know what you�re thinking; �But Spork-master, where would you find monkeys that are not only skilled in the art of the joust, but also posses an honor code by which to fight?� Way ahead of you. Remember that movie Project X with Matthew Broderick? Those monkeys flew planes for gosh sake. How hard would it be to pick up jousting after that? Plus, that movie was made in 1987, so you know by now a lot of those monkey actors have blown their money on drugs and young boys from Thailand, and thus are desperate for work and a steady paycheck. Kind of like �80s metal bands that still tour. Yeah, yeah. I know the one that played Winston went on to have bit parts on the Chimp Channel, but for the most part they are all flops. As far as honor code, I�m sure that by giving them a lesson in primate history � from Gordo the squirrel monkey lost aboard the Jupiter AM-13 in 1961by NASA to Herr Nilsson (the smartest monkey in Sweden) to Bingo of the Banana Splits - they would regain their dignity and follow any code I gave them

Besides, if they don�t play along I�ll ship them off to Revlon where they can get make-overs while PETA operatives silently cry to themselves in the ventilation ducts where they are stationed conducting surveillance. Damn you, Rule 42a-7: do not interfere with monkey make-overs when it will compromise the mission.

But back to monkey jousting�.

The best part, if any thing can be better than two monkeys beating the crap out of each other, would be the merchandising. I can see it now: T-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with phrases such as �Monkey Jousting � They aren�t just flinging poo now.�

Man, that would rock. I need funding.

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